In most normal corners of betch-hating society, being sick is frowned upon by our parents, doctors and Asians who wear surgical masks in public. But we’re here to let you in on the best-kept secret in America. The fact is that any true betch has carefully calculated the merits of feeling like shit and has reasoned that being sick is not THAT bad. (No, we’re not talking about serious or life-threatening illnesses, see ya lataz psycho commenters).
Let’s delve into why betches love this weakened immune system.
- Sure it’s harder to work out when you’re sweating profusely from merely lying down, but a cough is a great natural ab workout. Who needs planks when you’ve got Mono?
- Being sick is a great excuse to not eat or vomit in a semi-healthy way. Now you can’t call me anorexic, my medication just curbs my appetite bitch! You should be so lucky as to develop my tapeworm.
- You can’t hook up, but as long as you strategically omit that fact while being “too busy” to hang out with a bro who’s texting you. Winning never felt so easy. Your text might say, "I can’t tonight, raincheck?" But your body is saying, "I can’t tonight, I will definitely puke all over the check."